On Unemployment Malaise

21 Jun 2017

It’s alright not to feel okay

It’s been almost seven weeks since I’ve worked for pay.

I haven’t been out of work for this long at any point in my employment history. The experience been alternately freeing and frustrating, in a number of different ways.

Freeing in that:

• I don’t have to worry about company or interpersonal politics.
• I don’t have to work on uninspiring projects.
• I don’t have to work with uninspiring people.
• If I want to take a break in the middle of the day for a couple hours, I can.
• I can wear pajamas all day.
• I don’t have to really worry about a team lead or manager breathing down my neck.
• I can wake up naturally.
• I get to set my own schedule.

Frustrating in that:

• I get to set my own schedule, which consumes a lot of energy.
• No one is expecting anything of me. All of the standards I have are self-imposed.
• I am not generating income.
• I have to rely on the state unemployment system.
• Every expenditure must be scrutinized more closely than ever.
• Being social is difficult as finding free things to do is not always easy.
• Dating is difficult for a number of reasons, not the least of which is having money to go on dates.
• A lot of uncertainty is added to every day.
• A lot of work is involved in trying to find work.

The Slump

Over the last week or so, a kind of ennui has set in. It began on Saturday after having breakfast with D. I journaled for a while, and then sat down and played video games for the rest of the day. Repeat for Sunday, except with some cooking and socializing with parents. By Monday morning, during which I had a minor financial crisis, I had reached peak Can’t Even.

The few responses I’ve gotten in terms of work have been uninspiring and disheartening. This among other things has led to a reclusive and depressing headspace.

I’m also still struggling with how exactly I wish to earn a living. The dream is to do so with words, through writing or speaking or teaching. However, my resume and experience indicate a person with Development and DevOps skills. This kind of work is far more in demand, generally pays better and has more stability.

Help is Within Reach

On Tuesday, I reached out to my support network. They helped me expand on some ideas and provided some valuable advice regarding my malaise. Advice that I had read and heard before, but as Samuel Johnson said,

“People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.”

They reminded me of simple but not easy things like:

• Set a few small, achievable daily goals.
• Write a rough schedule for your day.
• Get some exercise.
• Remember to eat.

Overcoming the Slump

My current strategy is to pursue DevOps/Developer work while continuing to write every day. Doing work and gaining experience in this field will provide a lot of grist for the personal writing mill, not to mention a lot of opportunities to write in other capacities. Technical manuals and documentation don’t write themselves.

Going forward in this space you’ll see progress on this front. Writing about:

• Falling back in love with code
• Provisioning a Development Environment with Ansible
• Minimal, simple websites with HTML5
• Writing JavaScript with Kotlin
• Creating and linking databases with SQLite
• Lessons learned from books and video games

I hope that you’ll come along with me.